Reality

Today was a day of realizations. The realization, for example, that I have absolutely no clue what is going on in my integrated classes. I do about half the readings, and from what I read I understand maybe...60%  of it, on a good day. Lectures are fine for about a half hour, then I dose off or give up, or both. Usually both. Today the fear of failing my classes went from being a casual joke to an actual reality. When I try to sit down to work on stuff I get distracted, all of the sudden it's 1:00 am and I've done nothing. I seem to be internalizing France's inefficiency.

The realization that I have not exercised in a very, very long time, and if I keep eating the way I eat I'm going to get diabetes.

The realization that my time here is about halfway over, and I feel like there's so much I haven't been able to do, and I'm going to be incredibly sad when I have to leave this place and all these great people.

Looking at my bank account...oooh, that hurts. Perhaps I should cool it with the traveling for a while? Montpellier is nice, let's stay here.

There was also the realization that I am still a Jackson School student and I have Task Force next semester which... ugh, terror is an understatement.

More generally the realization that, unlike almost everyone here, I am a senior. I will come home, have two quarters, and graduate. I should be using this quarter to work on future stuff. Instead? I have no plan. I have filled out no applications. I have not googled anything. That one hit me hard: I'm sort of screwed in the life department. There are juniors here hard at work filling out internship applications and I'm sitting around watching YouTube and planning trips. It's stressing me out but I have no idea where to start, and no fellow Jackson School seniors to bounce ideas off of. By the time I get home it'll be too late to apply to the good internships.

So in conclusion, today was not roses and daises and unicorns and cotton candy, it was stressful. Very much so. We have a long vacation coming up after this week, and I will be traveling to England and Ireland, but after that I'm going to have to buckle down a little and focus.

That's the most annoying part of study abroad, the "study" part, it really gets in the way.