I wrote this a few days ago and I wasn't going to publish it, since, when I write, I tend to be really negative. But the reality of study abroad is that, while overall it's awesome and I'm really happy to be here, it can also get incredibly stressful.
They said it would happen. At some point all the stupid little things here would stop being cute and start really getting annoying. Getting caught by the tram control, having to de-block my credit card, having to sign up for classes, constantly not understanding people, sounding stupid whenever I need to talk to someone, the inefficiency of everything here, dealing with bank stuff, random fees, figuring out registration.
It was one of those weeks where, if you asked me, I couldn't tell you exactly why I was stressed, it was just a ton of little things every day.
A very mild example: the other day I was getting lunch at the Resto-U, the university restaurant where we can get lunch for 3.15 Euros, and on my way to pay I grabbed a few napkins. I rarely finish my food, and since Europe doesn't understand the concept of take-home boxes, I end up putting whatever I don't eat onto the baguette (yes, at every meal here, believe the stereotype), wrapping it in a few napkins, telling myself that it'll be my dinner, failing to wait until dinner and eating it an hours later. But this time, the lady reached over the counter, grabbed all my napkins, took her sweet time pealing off one, solitary napkin, and taking the rest away. "Can I at least have two?" "Non, next!" I had had a really, really bad day full of French people yelling at me, and I really wasn't in the mood for anyone's crap, especially any French person's crap.
Writing it now, it seems very insignificant, but after the day I had, I would have treated stubbing my toe like the end of the world.
I'm very well aware that the world is not ending and I'll get over this and it'll be fine, and in a few weeks time I'll probably not want to leave, but right now I just want to hug my dog and scream in my own pillow and go into my kitchen and eat my feelings without worrying about how much it costs and go for a run at 9pm and go to Starbucks and Barnes and Nobles and ask for things in English.
It's just a reality of studying abroad, I guess. There are times when the excursions stop, going out at night stops, and you realize that you need to put on your big-girl pants and deal with big-girl things, that there is a "study" in "study abroad," unfortunately.
Throughout all this, though, I'm happy I'm here, it'll pass and I'll probably forget it, and I'm well aware of that.
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